Dear Daddy Likey: Don't Make Me Pull A Kim Kardashian

Dear Daddy Likey,

I'm so happy that you've found a swimsuit that you love, and that flatters a part of your body you're not thrilled with. But I have a different problem altogether. My waist measurement is a 26 but my hips are a 42, meaning that I don't mind wearing bikinis because my stomach is okay, but my hips and thighs are all wobbly and squishy and dimply. (Cute, I know.) And there is NO swimsuit for that problem! I hate having to wear a sarong until the second I get into the water, and I don't want to go all Kim Kardashian and actually TAKE A TOWEL INTO THE WATER WITH ME, but I don't know what else to do!

Please help me! Are there any creative solutions? I can't think of ANYTHING!

Signed,
Stacy Sa-Wrong

Dear Stacy,

I'll be honest. My response to your query started out along the lines of, "Own it, girlfriend! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your squishyness! Woo! Girl Power!" But then I realized that if I asked someone for advice about swimwear that camouflaged my stomach, and they said, "Wear a bikini! Own it, girlfriend! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your Jack Black-sized gut! Woo! Girl Power!" I would have to track them down and strangle them with a conservative one piece.

So, with that in mind, I came up with a couple more realistic, less annoying suggestions for you.

Swim Skirts and Swim Dresses

For many of us, the term "swim skirt" triggers traumatizing visions of frumpy grandma suits, but a couple weeks ago, my friend Jess bought this swimsuit and showed me the light:

It's even cuter in real life, seriously. The gold details around the bust and the ruching at the waist really stand out.
Black Gold Stud Halter Swimsuit, ON SALE for $39, torrid.com

When she came over to show me and take a dip in the pool (which, because it's located in a condo complex with a large retiree population, has seen its share of scary swim skirts), I was blown away: it was glamorous, flattering, unique, sexy, and SKIRTED. And here's the thing, it wasn't glamorous, flattering, unique and sexy in spite of the skirt, but the skirt actually contributed to all of those things. Paradigm. Shifted.

My beautiful plus size readers can enjoy Jess' lovely swimsuit above and the equally chic skirted suit below:

Hot-Pink Star Print Halter Swimsuit, also ON SALE for $39, torrid.com

This one is so cute I want to wear it everyday, not just to cover up a little extra junk in the trunk:

How cute would it be with a simple black bikini top?
Coral Floral Flirt Skirt, $28, venus.com

Adjustable Gottex Skirted Bikini Bottoms, $74, nordstrom.com

If you like the look of the skirt above, but prefer not to spend so much, this two piece set is only $18:

Going Dotty Swimwear, Target.com

How freakin' amazing is this swimdress? You could wear it to the Oscars, and then go for a dip in the pool, and then wear it to the Grammys. SO chic.
Anne Cole Swimwear Shirred One Piece, $112, nordstrom.com

Also check out this amazing DKNY swimdress, which is kind of cuter than any of the regular dresses I own, on sale at Macy's.

Board Shorts

These can be a little tougher to work into your swim wardrobe unless you already prefer a more athletic look, but with a million different cool prints and varied lengths, you're sure to find one that fits your style.

Board shorts are a much better option than wearing a towel into the water, if just for the simple fact that you won't be clinging to a giant waterlogged piece of cotton while sinking to your death and shrieking "Don't look at my thighs!!" Pair them with a bikini top or slip them over a one-piece, and you've got yourself a hip-covering and functional swim ensemble.

Here are two bright and crazy options (my personal favorite), but just google "boardshorts" for about seven billion different options, including solid colors, designer, and knee-length styles.

Billabong Flower Child Board Short, $38, swell.com

Roxy Polka Party Boardshort, $37, amazon.com

Feel free to share your suggestions for Stacy in the comments!